How the fuck do i explain myself out of this one?

Got an addy script from my doc. Like an idiot not even thinking about the random urine tests they do i smoked weed and popped a xanax 2 days prior. Doc gives me the cup and says go pee in it. My stomach drops inside my ball sack realizing how stupid i was and how fukt im about to be.

My only option was to take the test. I had no way out. There was absolutely nothing else i could do other than run out of the office. I grabbed the cup and went to the bathroom and pissed in the cup. As i am pissing in it realizing how fuckt i am and how dumb i am i see whoever pissed in the gents stall didn't flush. No other option i dump my piss out and scoop up the piss that was left in the urine stall. I heated the cup up a bit with hot water and put it on the desk and left the office.

I'm guessing the test will come back inconclusive/invalid. At least i am hoping that it does rather than it coming back positive.

If you were in my position how would you go about this to save your script?