autism, and school. I got most of the materials from school, and was considered decently smart, but only a few people ever talked to me, I was always talking about conspiracies, making explosives out of soap and shit (i watched fight club young, and like I said so akward I was basically autistic). There was only one girl I really liked, she was smart, nice when you talked to her, and because I have this stupid thought that women shouldn't hide what they look liek through make-up and shit. But, I was fat, annoying, and creepy, so understandably, she shot down all advances. I've spent all my life during/after senior year of high school trying to understand the world around me, and myself, usually through many obscure natural entheogens. I've seen more than most men should, lived lives that never existed, only to come back to reality. I went to college, started doing decent, aside from smoking cigarettes fro stress. I saw the girl at school sometimes, made small talk to try and show her I had matured, she still never showed interest. One day, after I moved out, in college, my best friend introduced me to his gf's sister. We talked on facebook, and she started saying she was in love with me, I eventually learned she was only 14, and I was 18. She was the only girl who showed me any kind of affection, and I loved her. She always pressured me for sex, and eventually I gave in, because everyone already thought we were, and I got limp dick my first time. That's so emasculating, its impossible to put into words.