I can't remember who it was (some '90s band or something) but I have a memory as a small child of watching some MTV series on depression. The interviewee was some hot rich rock star. What really stuck with me was how he described his drive and search for fame, money, and women as his goal to be happy and end his depression. When he finally became a wealthy rockstar with all the pussy, power, and attention he could imagine, he still wanted to die. It was only then he realized that depression, and hence suicidal idealization, comes from the inside, and really doesn't depend on external factors like wealth, fame, bitches, or even which third world shit hole you live in. depression and suicidal idealization truly are mental issues. while life sucking cock may precipitate the problem, you would have eventually done the same even if you were a suburban white boy with a new car and a trust fund.
Godspeed bro, you can always kill yourself in Mexico, why not wait to see what happens?