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> Be me, 15, freshman > All of my friends eat lunch 4th period > I eat lunch 3rd period, so it was in my best interest to make a new friend or two, being Beta af. > Sit at table with acquaintance from elementary school, Collin, and his friends. >Make smalltalk with Collin > Morbidly obese tard named Ryan sits down near me. > I knew Ryan from 7th grade social studies, so I understood his tater-ness. >"Hoyy, Ggoys", he mutters in a high-pictched, broken-english voice. > Collin and his friends leave me with Tarden. > About to eat my grilled cheese, but then I notice the lunch meat in the sandwich. >Pull it out faster than a comdomless penis. >Mmm, testy hayum, says Ryan. > I say he can have it, and he devours it like a savage beast. > Introduce myself > We discuss things like Star Wars until he leaves to go to Tard HQ. > Next day, Ryan shows up again. >Ryan: Hllloh! (Hello). > Other tard sits at the table. His name is Matt, but he was often called Fat Matt, because he is almost as huge as Ryan. >Matt is a downy. >Matt: Heyy, Ryyunn. You made a frund finlly. >Ryan: Go way, Met. >Matt: No wey. Yer frund looks gey, too. >Ryan makes a tardy screech. >Here it comes.
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>Ryan flips over the table and I flee. >Ryan: Me frend is nut GAYYYY!!! >He takes off his shirt, revealing his huge moobs, and shoves Matt's face in his tray. >Lunch AIDS (lel) and wranglers run over. >Ryan grabs a banana and forcefully deepthroats Matt with it. >At this point, I can confirm that what they say about tards and their feces is true. >Ryan pulls down his pants, and diarrea flies everywhere. On wranglers, AIDS, and most of all, all over Matt. >More wranglers show up. >Everyone is staring, but luckily, I am a good ten feet away at this point. >Feel sorry for custodian. >Ryan waves goodbye to me as he is hauled away to either Tard HQ or the Slammer. >"See ya, Ryan. Good luck." >Wrangler scowls at me. >Mfw Ryan did this all to defend my honor. If requested, I'll do another Ryan story or two.
Anonymous
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>>648225998 You've got me interested.
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Yes continue, i'll post a few i've got saved in a bit
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Lamest made up shit tonight, please stop and go to sleep, 9th grade is important
Anonymous
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bumpity bump bump
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>Be in 2nd marking period. Classes change. >Think im no longer to see Ryan. >Disappoint >I still don't have lunch with my other friends >5th period, PE >Ryan! >Neekbud! >He calls me Neekbud bc my name is Nick. >He hugs me. >"Dude wtf" I think, but avoid saying anything because I want him to stay calm. >Max the bad guy shows up. >Uh oh >Max has been thrown in juvie 4 times and once he set off a firework in a urinal. >We play dodgeball on the first day of the class >Ryan struggles, but Max hits him right in the face with a dodgeball. >I'm on Max's team, so I can't do anything. >Max laughs and high-fives a bro of his. >Ryan makes the same roar I heard months before. >Mfw it's on cont'd arriving soon
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>Ryan refuses to take his out and stomps over to Max. >Max and his friends pretend to be scared, but continuously laugh. >Ryan takes off his shirt again. This time, his pants go too. >Lunges at Max. >Max is helpless beneath the lovable, but dangerous hamplanet that is, Ryan. >Ryan pisses on Max, and more diarrea escapes. >This time, Ryan throws some punches. >Grabs Max's head and continuosly bangs it against the floor. >Gym teacher faints at the sight of Ryan's arse cheeks. >LINK (other name for Wrangler Jr.), calls for backup. >Ryan gets up and hits Max one last time. >Wranglers are accompanied by school police officer. >Ryan runs. >Ryan: Like Barry Benson, I buzz freely, spreading my honey with the boys and girls. >That is the most legit sentence I've ever heard him say. >Mfw >Sadly, Ryan was caught and expelled. I sometimes still see him around at Walmart, McDonalds, etc, because he lives close to me.
Anonymous
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>>648228415 Speed it up faggot I'm losing my boner
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>>648230258 This tard is glorious
He shall live on in Elysium
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>Be after 2nd marking period >Ryan has been expelled, but invites me to his "burthdey" party. >I say sure >He gives me the address. >I show up slightly early. >Ryan beams that tater grin that I adored about him more than any other tard. >Ryan: Neekbud! Oo came! >Yep, I say. >He shows me his room and I almost die of horror. >Bee movie merchandise everywhere, even on his bed with a plushie of Barry himself >The worst part was that it appeared to be covered in a substance that I could only identify as semen. >The smell gave it away. >Realize I must get out ASAP. >I remember him leading me into a crawlspace above his room via a loose board. >Fear that I will be murdered, raped, or both. >cont'd coming soon